Tomorrow I begin jury duty. I have never been called for jury duty before so I'm not exactly sure what to expect. To prepare, I watched "The Juror" starring Demi Moore and Alec Baldwin. Here is the plot summary:
"When Annie Laird is selected as a juror in a big Mafia trial, she is forced by someone known as "The Teacher" to persuade the other jurors to vote "not guilty". He threatens to kill her son if she doesn't commit. When the trial is over, he can't let her go..."
I'm fairly sure this is how it will be for me. So now I will watch "The Sopranos" to figure out how to deal with the mob. Just kidding, I'm going to watch "Corky Romano". No not really-I will not put myself through that. Again.
Actually let me just put this out there for any Mafia enforcers thinking of using me as the person to convince a jury of something: I will make an absolute nightmare juror. I can't even make a decision about where to go to lunch without it turning into the most trying ordeal anyone around me has ever experienced. If someone says, "Where do you want to go eat?", I just shut down. I will not decide. John, unfortunately, has taken the brunt of this indecisiveness so when I told him I pulled jury duty, he had some comments:
"Being on a jury with you would mean me facing a jury shortly after."
"If you make it on a jury it will end up being a hung jury...because everyone else will hang themselves while you decide."
Things I am wondering:
1. Will there be a lawyer there that looks like Matthew McConaughey?
2. What if the judge tells me to dismiss something I just heard? How can I do that? I can't unhear something. Like I can't unhear the Daughtry remake of "Photograph". It's in there.
3. Will I get a chance to say, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"?
4. Can I use this technique to get out of jury duty?
*Tell me you watch "30 Rock".